"The population of Victoria is 350,000 if you include the outlying communities that make up 'Greater Victoria'." I answered his question in a well rehearsed tone. I caught his nod in the massive rear view mirror above my head as I checked the traffic lining up behind me. The rest of the 20 cruise chip passengers gazed delightfully at their surroundings, some laughing and talking amongst themselves. I pulled back gently but firmly on the lines and my team started thinking about slowing down. It was a gorgeous summer day on the island, tourist abound to see the sights of the city, traffic was thick and I was mid-shift as a tour guide who drives horse drawn vehicles for pre-paid amounts of time and offers interesting historical insights in the meantime.
As we approached the left hand turn down to Ogden Point where three gigantic cruise ships floated, strapped to the dock with ropes as thick as your thigh. Here I would drop this group off and pick up another. The horses, however, were banking on this being their last run, as they do every run, so they were 'chomping at the bit' as it were. I pulled back on the lines, feeling them pull back at their end, their hooves loud on the pavement, the chains of their traces clanking loudly and rhythmically as we came to a stop. I checked my rear view mirror again to see if anyone was going to try and pass me on the left as I simultaneously attempted to turn left whilst glancing ahead to find a gap in the cars big enough to drive a 30 foot trolley through. As the gap approached, one of my horses tried for a different gap and the trolley lurched forward so I hollered 'Whoa" and pulled him to a stop just as the other horse thought we were going and lurched forward on his own with equal fervour. I hollered again and pulled him back just as the gap I marked approached us. "Git up boys!" I encouraged them forward vivaciously, throwing a little southern cowboy into the twang of my voice just as a tourist shouted out a question, as if I didn't already have enough to do. We travelled.
Luckily, the question was one of 40 that I regularly get asked; "What are you taking in University?" So I threw him my response. "Psychology and Philosophy" my voice rang out over the loudspeaker. I waited for the usual comments as we walked swiftly towards the drop off point. "Oh boy," Said one lady in the back. "Those are two subjects that could really mess with your head, don't you think?" I chuckled nonchalantly, "Heck if I know." A few laughed, so I said, much more excited; "Do you want to argue about it?" That got them all going so I rode that laughter till it came time to plug them for tips. "Well thanks for coming on my tour folks, please feel free to pat the horses on your way and if you want to give them any kind of monetary treat, you can just go ahead and hand it to me, they don't have their wallets handy." More laughter. Nice, I thought, They were laughing most of the way, maybe they will throw me some money.
As they debarked the trolley a lovely middle aged woman approached me and as she spoke I recognized her laugh as being the most constant throughout the tour. As she handed me some money she said to me "Do you do stand up?" I assumed she meant comedy. "No I prefer sitting I replied." Tens of people laughed as they got off the trolley. "No, really," the woman pressed on. "You're funny." Someone else piped up from the back of the crowd that had gathered around the trolley. "You should write a blog!" he said. It was my turn to laugh. "Ya!" Someone else said. "I'd read that!"
Huh.
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